One Night At A Time

“Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.” - Dag Hammarskjold

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Lessons Learned: There are things that are to be divulged only on a "Need to Know" bases.

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I know why I can't hold him.
I understand why he doesn't call.
I understand why I can't call him.
I understand why there are no emails.
I knew far in advance the loneliness I would endure, yet I agreed.
But knowledge and understanding do not stop the heart from bleeding
nor do they comfort a soul split in two.

But I will not breath a word of this to him. These words of a heart cut in two remain here, locked. And only my pillow shall see my tears. And deep in the dark, I will keep a candle burnings, so that when my soldier returns, there will be a fire to weld us back together again. And I will go on. And somewhere, on the other side of the world, I know my soldier does the same.

It isn't the USMC, but they are good to go

Today's Quote:

"Think positively and masterfully,
with confidence and faith,
and life becomes more secure,
more fraught with action,
richer in achievement and experience."
- Eddie Rickenbacker

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Lesson Learned: You really can do everything if you put your mind to it.

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In a few short months, our "Weekend Warriors" went from citizens whose lives only lightly touched each other, to a team. They found out what drives them crazy about each other and how to overcome that for The Mission. They found out what makes each other tick and how to use that to their advantage. My husband said it was good to see the "kids" growing up - but it was equally good to see him also maturing. He has little tolerance for BS and imperfection, yet I see him "going with the flow" and laughing about some of the absurdities of Army Life. He's doing something important, and he knows this, and to be a part of it, he's willing to put up with some BS.

As for me, I think I am regressing! I've heard ARNG wives who said that their kids regress when their Daddy is deployed. Well, I must be the kid! Acting out, temper tantrums, not eating, not sleeping, crying a lot! Sound like a 3 year old? Sounds like me! And just when I thought the parent in me was about done with the clingy, whiny 3 year old in me, I discovered MFLC. Military and Family Life Consultants - paid for by your tax dollars and mine and our soldier's butts on the line. These are highly trained counselors, and except for "reportable" issues such as child abuse or domestic violence, is NOT reported to The Dreaded Chain of Command. And it's FREE, FREE, FREE. So you are having marriage issues because your soldier is deployed (OK, that would be 100% of us, I'm guessing), and you want to find ways to communicate better - work with your own personal counselor - and no one need know. Not your soldier's commander, not your mother-in-law, nada! Need help learning how to be a "single parent" - there you go. Deployment have you just a weee bit frazzled? MFLC is the place to go. And then you don't have to act out in front of the commander's wife. (Ok, I didn't do that, and our commander's wife is awesome... still, you get the picture...)

So the soldiers are good to go and have boots down in the rocks and sands of the Middle East. And the families are marshaling their resources for a long year or so. And, mostly, I can believe we will be Just Fine. And I can believe that in the lazy afternoon... but try telling me that at 2 am when I wake up with my stomach in knots. You with boots on the ground, you know what I mean.

Bless our Troops and Those Who Wait for Them, for They Also Serve.

Books and People

Today's Quote:

"The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them."- George Bernard Shaw

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Lesson Learned: Keep learning, keep connecting.

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Some days I feel like I won't ever sleep again. The up-side of that is that I have been able to read several books in the middle of the night.

As You Were: To War and Back with the Black Hawk Battalion of the Virginia National Guard By Christian Davenport. This book tracks the experiences of several Virgina Guardsmen and their families as they prepare for deployment, deploy and return home. Perhaps you will see yourself in this book. And even if you don't, it is a testament to the strengths of the human soul and a person's ability to survive. Christian Davenport is a journalist, and the book reads like a documentary at times - but the stories are so human and the lost and found hopes and dreams are so powerful, that you can't help but be drawn into them. This is not a "preachy political book," although politics is brought up where appropriate and sensitively done. It is also not a "blood and gore" book, but he minces no words describing the soldiers' experiences. I recommend it.

The Book of Positive Quotations compiled and arranged by John Cook. I have used this book to find inspiration to write on the backs of envelopes and on packages sent to the Middle East since 2004. It is not a replacement for your Bible or other Spiritual Teaching book, but it does have the power to help brighten or better some one's day. Many of the quotes I use on this website come from this book.

I'm Already Home...Again: Keeping your family close while on assignment or deployment (2nd ed.) by Elain Gray Dumler. Filled with tips and tricks learned by military families of all service branches. They are organized by "deployment" stages, and many are geared to families with children. There are also poems sprinkled throughout that remind us why we do this. A good, quick, light read.

But books are merely books, and the most precious thing I have found is connecting with other spouses and significant others. Younger, older, "been there, done that" or not - they have all found a way to help keep me going. Like a Band of Sisters, we lean on each other when we need propping up and we "high five" when someone hears from their soldier. We commiserate that we are looking at a year or so of celibacy and we bake cookies together and tell heart-warming stories of our soldiers. (I know, I know, those of you who know me know I don't cook, but I have participated in some joint cookie baking ventures - yes, even me). Some of the ladies I know only through email, but to my delight and sanity, I have also met some motivated and loving women in person. Reach out and touch someone. It's been a little tougher as we don't have a strong FRG system in place, but we are making our way. The Minute Men gathered together before This Great Nation was born, so we are part of a long tradition of women standing behind their Citizen Soldiers. That helps, too.

Major Changes

Today's Quote:

To have a reason to get up in the morning, it is necessary to posses a guiding principle. A belief of some kind. A bumper sticker, if you will. - Judith Guest

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Lesson Learned: For every thing, there is a season.

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The soldiers went to training, came home on leave and then left for the Middle East. A time of change and transition. And a time to "be in the moment." Now, a month later, when events are no longer "OpSec" and a routine is taking shape, now I can look back and reflect on the last weeks.

I know my DH hides The Truth from me. At least for the most part. He described training at the JMTC (Joint Maneuver Training Center) like how a teen-age son would describe summer camp - great swimming pool, rained too much, but still enjoyed running around in the mud - oh, and yes, enjoyed qualifying on the various weapons, too. But he's not too clever. Every now and then he let slip a comment such as, "Yeah, we're all pretty serious about the 'Combat Lifesaver Course.'" OK, I'm glad they were all serious about it. But it reminded me that yes, they were preparing to enter a War Zone. Where people die. I try to delude myself as much as he tries to hide The Truth from me, but sometimes that's an impossibility.

So they practiced with their weapons and gave each other IV's and my DH called home and said that "all is well" and "of course you know I like this stuff." Of course you do. You never did get over being a Marine. And you never did get over that you were never called to deploy. To me, being willing and able was enough, but not for you. So here we are, with you newly deployed to the Middle East. And me, my "bumper sticker" is now: Army Wife - Proud And Strong.

I am now becoming intimate with an AR15 rifle

Today's Quote: "I am learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma." ~Eartha Kitt

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Lesson Learned: A woman loves to shop, weather for clothes or parts for an AR15.

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Who would have thought that I would become initimately familiar with the various sling adapter designs out there on the market? Or would come to know what type of tactical latches could give you an advantage in a fire-fight. I can't "field strip one" with my eyes closed, but I can recongnize many of it's components by sight, now. Certainly this was not on my list of Things To Learn when I married my DH 20 some odd years ago. But the decisions you make in your youth somehow have a way of catching up to you. I married a young, idealistic, intense, but peace-time Marine. Which means that I am now married to a more mature, more realistic (but still idealistic), even more focused and intense ARNG Soldier; one who is soon to be deep, deep in the Hooah! going on in the Middle East. ... So, he's training and studying and asked me to go shopping for him. So what can a woman do? I can't help him train or study (in fact, I'm probably a distraction to that stuff) - but I can shop. I also rifled through his parts case here at home and now have a little care package with some black metal pieces all good to go. I send them with a little prayer * that they will give my DH some advantage to help him and his Battle Buddies stay alive.

* Yes, I am not particularly religious, but as the "leave the USA" date draws nearer, I am thinking it probably isn't a bad idea to hedge my bets.

Letter Under My Pillow

Today's Quote:

Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be." - George Sheehan

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Lesson Learned: Miracles still occur, although sometimes you have to help them along.

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Letters in a chocolate box from 2004

I got a letter from DH yesterday - whoohooo! I instantly recognized the writing on the envelope - MINE! You didn't think DH was going to write to me if I didn't send him a self addressed, stamped envelope, a blank piece of paper and strict orders to "write something to your wife," did you? I understand there may be a post card soon, too - also self addressed and pre-stamped. It's a miracle I've gotten anything from him - even if I have to help the miracle along a bit!

Training at Camp XYZ is going well. He's brand new to the unit, but he has found some motivated guys to hang out with (when they aren't working 10-16 hour days). He's got bottoms for his uniform, a spare helmet and other goodies, now, so he's starting to be all Hooah! I went on line and ordered him all kinds of stuff - another pair of boots, a "sling" for his rifle, fancy cleaning kit, and such. Total spent on stuff to make his life better in the Army so far: +$400. I'm keeping all the receipts. I hope it ends up tax deductible, somehow.

Took care of a bunch of little stuff this week. Got his 401(k) from his former employer rolled over. Got my ID card and DEERs straightened out. Guess I'm spending the next year with my ID card, Power of Attorney (POA) and Orders. Word to the wise - keep many copies of the POA and Orders with you at all times - you will need to give copies (or at least show copies) to anyone and everyone every time you want to say "boo!" to the Army. Boo!

One of my sweet and silly and totally non-military girl friends bought me the "Complete First Season of Army Wives" (the TV show) on DVD. (Thank you!) She said to eat chocolate and enjoy. I am thinking I better slow down on the chocolate or I'm going to gain some serious weight. I haven't gained any weight yet, but I am well over 40 with a predisposition to roundness, so I do have to pay attention. Especially since I have a major Taco Bell addiction.

Places where Army Dudes go shopping

• La Rue Tactical
  
• Brigade QM
  
• Yankee Hill Machine Co.
  
• The Supply Sergeant
  
• Amazon.com
  

Flashback

Today's Quote: "Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and fans the bonfire." ~ François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

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Lesson Learned: The body remembers.

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Woke up this morning curled up and wrapped around my cell phone. The fact that I sleep with my cell phone is not unusual - I am on call and first line of escalation at work - but I don't normally sleep wrapped around it, with it held tight against my heart. But I recognize this symptom - and I'm sure every wife of a deployed military man does, too - the phone becomes your connection to your man - and for the length of the deployment, you it will go everywhere with you. And it will not just go to the store with you, or sit on your night stand. It will sit on the sink while you wash dishes, follow you into the ladies' room, watch you bathe, and pull weeds in the garden with you (pulling weeds is good therapy, by the way)... So, I guess, my body decided in the night some time, that This Is The Beginning. I had forgotten this feeling of waking up wrapped around my cell phone - but when I woke this morning, it was all too familiar. It's been 5 years since DH was in Iraq - but my body remembered what to do, even though I had forgotten.

If nothing else gets paid on time, the cell phone will.

Books to Read... or not.

Today's Quote: "All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them." -Galileo Galilei

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Lesson Learned: I wish I were an "ignorance is bliss" person.

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Sleep has eluded me on many accounts this week. The upside is that I have read several books. Two of which, although very different, concern our military and wars in the Middle East.

The first book I read is Soft Spots by Cliff Van Winkle. It is mesmerising, well written and raw. I could not put it down - I read it in one sitting, it had such a hold on me. Do not read it if you have a loved one either deployed or about to deploy "down range." It will tear your heart out and make you fear things other than IEDs and sniper bullets.

The second is I Love A Man In Uniform:A Memoir of Love, War, and Other Battles. Not your ordinary Amy Officer's Wife. Plain-spoken, sometimes funny, sometimes tragic, often blunt and occasionally graphic. It wasn't all all what I expected, but was a good read, none the less. And from my very limited Army Wife perspective, it rings true.

Neither of these are children's books. They are both well above the PG13 level. You need a strong gut, and tough heart and an affinity for four letter words to not be offended by them. But if you can get beyond that, then there are two powerful stories of broken souls and how they successfully clawed their way to some kind of peace with themselves and their maker. Like a memoir of a drug addict that I read some time ago (A Million Little Pieces by James Frey), they are not for the feint of heart. If you can stomach the delivery method, there is much to learn from all three of these books about life on the bleeding edge. and the courage of those who survive to deal with the fall out.

White Knights and Cowboys

Today's Quote: "In true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged."-Hans Nouwens

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Lesson Learned: Maybe it was destiny.

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The Cowboy In Me
Recorded by Tim McGraw

I don't know why I act the way I do
Like I ain't got a single thing to lose
Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy
I guess that's just the cowboy in me

I got a life that most would love to have
But sometimes I still wake up fightin' mad
At where this road I'm heading down might lead
I guess thats just the cowboy in me

The urge to run, the restlessness
The heart of stone I sometimes get
The things I've done for foolish pride
The me that's never satisfied
The face thats in the mirror when I don't like what I see
I guess that's just the cowboy in me

Girl I know there's times you must have thought
There ain't a line you've drawn I haven't crossed
But you set your mind to see this love on through
I guess that's just the cowboy in you

We ride and never worry about the fall
I guess that's just the cowboy in us all

When I was a very little girl, my Mom taught us the US Marine Corps Hymn. When I was a bit older, we saw the USMC band, live and in person. When I learned to drive, I would meet her for lunch at the base where she worked (as a civilian) and would watch the young Marines in their red shorts running around together singing cadence. In between times, again, starting pretty young, I dreamed of farms and ranches and horses and cowboys and the open range. Maybe I watched too many John Wayne westerns. As a young woman, I moved to cowboy country and attended rodeos. I listened to country music. And found me a pickup truck driving, young Marine to sweep me off my feet. The last of the Templar Knights. And after 20 years, now he rides with the Army Cavalry. Could one have predicted?

Time for Good-Bye for a while

Today's Quote: "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do."- Mark Twain

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Lesson Learned: The newspapers don't tell the whole story.

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(I know this entry is out of order, but I wanted to make sure that sufficient time had passed so as not to let on exactly when the soldiers were on the road. It's kind of frustrating to not say things when they are happening, because I am so proud of my DH and his unit and I want to shout it to the world. But I'd rather be paranoid and safe, than sorry.)

The newspapers wrote that the soldiers were all sharp and good looking at the ceremonies: our State's Finest Young Men. The newspapers wrote that the soldiers were confident and ready to roll. What the newspapers didn't write was...

On a windy spring day, with the temperatures flirting with being below freezing, sleepy children were bundled up by 4, 3 or 2 am and put into mini vans, SUVs and little Hondas and driven from 10 minutes to 5 hours to arrive at our little armory well before dawn. "Regular Army" families usually live close by to eachother, if not on base, but we are spread across the state. Many of the wives and families only know each other from email. Yet they feel a kinship as they gather with their soldiers, to hold them, or just be near, for a few moments more.

During the inevitable Hurry Up and Wait, sleepy children sit on ACU* covered laps or wear Dad's patrol cap. I could have taken memorable, poignant pictures, but this was their time, and I didn't want to intrude. I was glad the newspapers had only wanted to show up for the pomp and circumstance. The click of shutters now were personal - freezing a memory to hold on to for the rest of the deployment.

The buses were a little late and there were some mix ups about when to board. As a result, I got three hugs instead of just one. Time to board - hug. Ooops, no, de-board. Stand around and stomp your feet and try to warm up. Board again? Another hug. Oh, no, not yet. Third time's the charm. They all form up inside and snap to attention. Names are called and soldiers peal off from the lines and double-time to their bus. Their families follow them. I got a third hug. So much PDA** from my DH, I am almost laughing. So it takes the US Army and orders to deploy to get my DH to give me a hug or three in front of Others.

I stifle the laugh, though - other wives and family and children are crying. Some are trying not to, and some are letting the tears flow freely. I wonder why I am not crying. Ok, I know why I am not crying. Before I was an Army Wife, I married a Marine. And when he went to Iraq years ago, he said to just do him one favor: do not cry at the airport when it was time for him to leave. He didn't have to tell me this time. I'd be cheereful. I'd be strong. I'd be gracious. His insignia says he's "just an E4," but he's a good 2 decades older than the kids he's deploying with, and we were going to conduct ourselves with decorum. Yes, we are deep in the Army Hooah!, but I am reminded that it is the leather necked, jar-headed, bull dog Marine that caused me to be shivering in the early dawn.

I took care of some business in town and then spent the day with some of my kids and my granddaughter. Not time for tears or chocolate quite yet - that will come when they head over seas.

ACU - Current Army Uniform. I'm sure it has an official name, but I'm too lazy to look it up right now.

PDA - Public Display of Affection. It's almost as *gasp* horrible as using the L word in public.

PS I have started adding photos to some of the older posts.

Are we all Hooah! yet?

Today's Quote:

The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew.
-Abraham Lincoln

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Lesson Learned: Patience.

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Old Glory with Alcatraz in the background,
taken from the Hyde Street Pier, San Francisco, CA.

The PX at The Camp is much bigger than the one near our home, so DH was able to find useful things like - more parts to his uniform, some real Army PT (Physical Training) clothing and such. He and his footlocker hooked up, so he got some clean clothes, too, and a few creature comforts. A few good night's sleep in his Army bunk (a small place to call home), and he's sounding much less stressed.

They have changed his MOS (job description) again. Surprise. He is still playing with "big guns," though, so I am sure he is happy.

I have been pretty self-absorbed this weekend, working, working, working. I did get to take a day off in Sunny (yes, Sunny) San Francisco. Walked all over Fisherman's Wharf, Pier 39, and The Hyde Street Pier. Sent DH a few post cards, but, of course, the Army changed his mailing address, even though he's still at the same camp. I'm learning not to stress out over these things. It's just the Army Way. At least the actual training part seems to be going well - they seem to be doing fine with the "get the bad guys" training and the "save your own/each other's necks" stuff - they are just not real strong on the administration side of things. Well, I guess that's what this shake down time period is for. I am sure we'll look back and laugh at this some day (or so we keep telling ourselves)!

Those of you who know DH know that he is the Strong, Silent, Type, so doesn't comm well. But, in a fit of amazing communications, he has called me at least once a day for non-Army related stuff since he has been gone. I know that will stop once they get really busy with training and go to wherever they are going, but I will enjoy the small blessings that I can while I can. It was going to Iraq that taught him how to use the telephone to call home, after all. Our kids all learned to use that device by the time they were 6 or 7, but DH took a few decades longer. Who knows what he might learn during this trek to the Middle East. Guess I should get him some phone cards...and maybe envelopes and paper? Do you think he could learn to write this time around? Ok, I'm not going to hold my breath over that one, but one can hope, yes?

Photo Op and Paperwork H*ll

Today's Quote: "The difference between the possible and the impossible lies in a person's determination."- Tommy Lasorda

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Lesson Learned: Keep your expectations low and be pleasantly surprised.

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I'm sure I'm just a tiny bit biased, but isn't he the most dashing guy in uniform that you ever did see?

So they bussed the soldiers over to somewhere else for paperwork and prep and other things before shipping them off to training... only, my DH is feeling like the FNG again - someone somewhere didn't do something and he's hanging out with no orders and no plane ticket to training. He's only got two uniforms as the rest of his stuff has already left weeks prior, and he's hanging out in a hotel for way more days than planned. (Well, at least he was able to shower every day!) They're telling him that he's not going to mob and deploy. They're telling him he is going to mob and deploy, but he's going to miss training - no big deal, he's prior service, right? They're telling him - well, at 4:30 a.m. they tell him to pack up because he's getting on a plane to go to training. Someone finally got a clue and said he could do his paperwork at training. As opposed to flying home, doing paperwork, and then flying out to training a week late. At least this way he ended up being only a few days late.

Can't really say anything bad about anyone, though - they are all volunteer "weekend warriors" and haven't really done this before. There's a lot going on and a lot of soldiers to process. Just happened that DH is FNG again. Or still. And, that's what this mobilization and training period is for - experience SNAFU now, then get act together, so there will be less SNAFU when the stuff hits the fan when they are deployed.

So that is all past now, and DH is running around with his unit again. And that's a good thing.

mob - mobilization: get a bunch of soldiers ready before deploying
deploy - leave the USA and be put on the chess board for the President
FNG - Messed Up New Guy*
SNAFU - Situation Normal, All Messed Up*

*Family version of words used. Substitute your favorite four letter word for something closer to the truth.

Chocolate!

Today's Quote: "Every noble work is at first impossible."Thomas Carlyle

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Lesson Learned: Chocolate cures almost everything!

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DH bought me a box of delightful Godiva chocolates. He did this last time, too. Each day, I ate one and only one, and thought of him and me and surviving his trip to the Middle East. By the time I had finished the box, I was through the first several weeks, had established a new rhythm to life, and had regrouped and re-engaged. So here I am, in the middle of the night, looking at the unopened golden box sitting on our headboard. The matching one from years ago hides in a box in the closet with letters from a far away land tucked in them. I am both looking forward to and dreading opening this new box.

(I am taking photos, but haven't had time to do anything useful with them. Eventually I will back post them.)

Busy, busy, busy!

Today's Quote: "Excellence is doing ordinary things extraordinarily well.” - John W. Gardner

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Lesson Learned: Busy is way better than "hurry up and wait."

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After the paperwork is done and you've lulled around doing the "hurry up and wait" thing for a bit, then there is another crazy, busy time. For me, activity is always better than sitting around. Besides always somehow getting in trouble when idle, I was just not born to be still. DH, either. So in the middle of packing, getting uniform issues squared away, he volunteered to help out with loading trucks for the unit. No pay, probably, but he doesn't mind, because, as he says, "It's the right thing to do." Sometimes I wish he weren't a man who actually acted on his convictions. There was a time, shortly after the Presidential Election, that I hoped he wouldn't want to serve under a President he didn't elect and down right disagrees with on just about every topic. But he says he didn't swear to serve only this President or that one - he swore to uphold the Constitution of the United States of America. Different deal. He cast his vote along with millions of others, and the President was chosen. He serves the Office, not the person, so to speak. So corny, I know, but true. . . . and then, of course, there is his macho image of himself!

Of course, The Right Thing is very often not the Easy or Comfortable Thing as our marriage keeps pointing out over and over again.

Paper work is mostly done and notarized. Not all of it appears to be posted to my DH's personal Army Web Portal, but I am assuming that the wheels of Army Administration will eventually get it posted. If not, then I am sure I will have to embarrass my DH and say something to someone. I seem to be that kind of person.

Uniforms!

Helmet = something to protect your thick noggin.

Today's Quote:

Friendship is a plant of slow growth and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.
George Washington

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Lesson Learned: Your real friends will (lovingly) slap you upside the head when you need it!

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Suffice it to say that last week was not a great week on the emotional roller coaster. I leaned heavily on friends and family, and was definitely on the taking end of every relationship. I am so blessed to have these depths of resources. I am also reaching out to other wives and family in The Unit to see if I can stir up some friendships there, as I know I won't be able to do this next year without them. Maybe we can share each other's strengths. ... Thank you, Mizz A, for getting me out of my tizzy!

Of course, The Army doesn't really care about my little emotional upheavals - they continued to march on in all their Armyness. Part of DH's uniforms arrived - some parts actually fitting, but many parts being either too big, too small or the wrong "camo" pattern. So out of two big boxes of stuff, about one was usable... and still not enough items to actually dress for drill. Went in to town to the local Army Surplus and found some pants and a belt. Ordered another pair of pants, a patrol cap, beret and rank patches on-line. All in all, spent over $200 of our own (non-reimbursable) money to try and get him set up for drill. He's supposed to have a weeks worth of uniforms so he can just do laundry once a week. Well, he has a weeks worth of T-shirts and uniform tops, just no bottoms. Myself, I thought he should show up in his top, his undies and his boots, but DH didn't see the humor in that. I did get a sneak preview of how soldierly he will look in his uniform, though, as he dug through his boxes and tried things on (like a kid at Christmas). And, at least he got both his warm and cold weather boots, so he can start breaking them in. He wouldn't let me take a picture, though, as he needs a haircut and a shave, and he isn't shaving until the last minute. Heavens be that I might publish a picture of him in uniform looking scruffy - not at all the image he wants to project. Ah, well, probably a wife thinks scruffy looks cute, but he's probably right, The Army probably doesn't want to project that image.

In addition to some of his uniforms, he also got a big, black footlocker to store his stuff. Anything that goes in it will get shipped - anything else he has to carry on the bus/plane with him. He actually got some useful things to put in it - sleeping bag set up, canteens, goggles, helmet, poncho, water proof clothes bag, and other goodies. Well, he's at least starting to look like he's in the Army, now.

Other important Things to Get that were gotten: Bigger memory stick for PSP Personal Game System, a video camera and more music MP3s from www.amazon.com (unlike itunes or napster, you can put your amazon.com MP3s on any and all of your music devices... about a dollar a song).

Hooha! and carry on!

Stress and Resilience

Today's Quote: "In times of stress, be bold and valiant.” - Horace

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Lesson Learned: The Stress Management People did not marry into the Army.

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So I am cruising along at work today and they offer me a chance to participate in a very cool project – that will put me on travel the weekend after DH goes off for (in USA) training. I know, intellectually, I will have a great time when I am there, and it will actually probably be a great stress relief – I’ll be around friends, I’ll be engaged in something interesting and fun, I won’t have to sleep in my empty bed. But all I can think of today is: Oh, no, not another thing on my plate. So I took a short break from work and looked up stress and resiliency on the Internet.

I found http://www.apahelpcenter.org/dl/the_road_to_resilience.pdf
So, here are my 10 ways to build resilience

1. Make connections. They said: Good relationships with close family members, friends, or others is important. I say: Run and Hide! The one closest to me is the one driving me crazy. Know when NOT to make too many connections!

2. Avoid seeing crisis as insurmountable problems. They said: You can’t change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to them. Try looking beyond the present to how future circumstances may be a little better. I say: Just how far in the future do they want me to look?! A week? Nope, not getting better in a week. A month? Uhm, nope. Six months? Maybe. At least I’ll have practice and time under my belt at that point. A year? Nope. I don’t think he’ll be back in a year from now (although, with the Army, you never know). So, over a year before things get dramatically better. Hmmm, I don’t think the authors were thinking about that kind of time frame.

3. Accept that change is a part of living. They said: Certain goals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. I say: I’ll be damned if the Army is going to stop me from anything!

4. Move towards your goals. They said: Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly – even if it seems like a small accomplishment – that enables me to move towards my goals. I say: Finally, something I can relate to! Goals, I have many goals and projects to work on.

5. Take decisive action. They said: Act on adverse situations as much as you can. I say: Ok, now listen up all you terrorists – it’s time to go home and find a good woman and make babies and stop blowing up and shooting at people. Then the Army can keep all their men and women at home, too. (Sorry, that’s kind of a sexist statement, but to my recollection, most of the terrorists are male…)

6. Look for opportunities for self discovery. They said: People often learn something about themselves … as a result of their struggle… I say: Heck, I’m almost Fifty – I know me well enough! I’ve done enough “tough things” in my life – being widowed being quite enough, thank you – I don’t want these Character Building events!

7. Nurture a positive view of yourself. They said: Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience. I say: Hello?! I’m a Systems Analyst and a System Administrator – If I didn’t already have lots of practice solving problems, they certainly wouldn’t be paying me this much. Really, I don’t need extra-curricula problem solving practice!

8. Keep things in perspective. They said: … try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context… I say: The Army is pretty doggoned broad. And if I use chocolate to help with that perspective, I’ll be pretty doggoned broad in a year.

9. Maintain a hopeful outlook. They said: An optimistic outlook enables you to expect good things will happen in your life. I say: I can’t argue with that one. I have lead an incredibly blessed life so far, so I am hopeful that it will continue in that fashion! I am thankful for family and friends and the kindness of strangers!

10. Take care of yourself. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. I say: Well, that’s going to be challenging because my own needs and feelings are going to be several thousand miles away pretty soon. He better buy me one heck of a great, luscious box of chocolates before he leaves!

I found it interesting that they didn’t list HUMOR as one of the keys to resilience. For me, it is The Key to staying semi-sane and mostly functional. If I couldn’t find something silly or stupid to laugh about, I’d be totally sunk – luckily, the Army seems to be providing quite a bit of that – both on the home front and at work!

Sleep!

Today's Quote:

"A good battle plan that you act on today can be better than a perfect one tomorrow."- Gen George S. Patton

(I'm not sure how "inspirational" that quote is, but it is helping me battle this urge for perfection that keeps me bogged down in not accomplishing anything. After all, you can't argue with The General.)

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Lesson Learned: Just keep doing.

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Went to bed at 19:00 (7 pm) last night and slept all the way through until my alarm went off at 3:30 (3:30 am). I am actually feeling somewhat human!

Going out to dinner with a friend that I haven't seen in years - I think all together there will be 4 or 5 of us girls - and, I will be the baby among them. It'll be fun as L has recently returned from a trip to Italy, and I'm sure she will have lots of wonderful stories.

On the Army front, pieces of uniforms are trickling in. Maybe they will all be here when DH gets back in to town on Friday. Or not. I'm trying to just let the Army do it's thing without stressing over it.

I heard roomer that orders are being cut soon. I shall look at it as "just in time" (JIT) processing. Is it as cost effective and efficient as JIT inventory control? I have experience with JIT inventory control, and it saved a bunch of time and money for one of my former employers, but it was stressful when we first implemented it: we always worried if we would make the deadline.

Apparently DH's unit is not as famous as either the 82nd Airborne or the 1st Cavalry - it is impossible to find a T-shirt with their unit patch or crest on it! Since we are all Hooah (1)now, I thought it'd be nice to get him one. Well, maybe not. I did find the crest pin at some online uniform shop, but that's not really what I am looking for. I guess I could do custom graphics for a lot of money...oh, did I mention the cut in pay to activate with the ARNG? Custom T-shirt will have to wait (assuming, of course, I can find something that the T-shirt shop can use to create a design.)

Looking forward to hanging out with my eldest daughter tomorrow. She and my granddaughter are going to meet me after work and we are going to go shopping and out to a cheap dinner. It'll be lots of fun. I'm sure my granddaughter will con me into buying her something that she doesn't need!

Care Packages

Today's Quote: ""Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other." - Abraham Lincoln

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Lesson Learned: One cannot be Wonder Woman without at least a little sleep!

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Some women express their personal neurosis by cleaning house. Or cooking. Or eating. Me, I research and make lists and become way overly prepared and planned out. That being said, I am already planning care packages, and The Unit hasn't even left the state yet!

• From the US Postal Service (http://www.usps.com/supportingourtroops/welcome.htm) Includes what not to send, how to package, a free mailing kit, and more. My only personal comment on packaging is - I saw what the box looked like that came to me from Iraq a few years back - the box had essentially become a large envelope, being held together strictly by the fact that it was completely covered in clear tape.
  
  
• Invest in a packing tape dispenser. And lots of clear tape.
  
  
• Operation Military Pride (http://www.operationmilitarypride.org/packages.html) I've been a supporter for years. Theirs is still the most comprehensive list I've found. DH confirms that the things on this list are things he needed/used while as a contractor in Iraq several years ago.
  
  
• From The Nestle Family of Companies (http://www.verybestbaking.com/promotions/programs/troops.aspx)Recipes for some "desert safe" desserts.
  
  
• How to ship cookies (http://www.cookieclubrecipes.com/mailingcookies.htm)
  
  
• Baking, wrapping and mailing tips (http://www.ocregister.com/life/cookies-box-shipping-1930609-hsu-service)
  

On a different topic, this week was a productive week on the "getting ready" front. Most of it wasn't directly related to dealing with The Army, but more related to "home front preparations."

• Taxes - mostly done!
  
• Oil changes and such for all the vehicles that I could possibly drive while DH is away
  
• New light bulbs where needed
  
• Fresh smoke detector batteries
  
• 401(k) roll over discussions
  
• Worked on updating the will
  
• Printed out some special power of attorneys (POAs) to get notarized
  
• Mailed in the IRS POAs in case I have to deal with back taxes
  
• Looked for puppies in the paper
  
• Ordered parts for the ATV
  
• Learned how to use the little generator - but I think I better get written instructions for this one
  
• Found the registrations and current proof of insurance paperwork for all the vehicles
  
• Turned in plates and discontinued insurance on the one we gave to one of our daughters
  
• Updated blog so friends and relatives can share in my neurosis
  
• Updated the Giant, All Encompassing List of All Lists
  
• DH got some minor fillings done at the DDS (although he was already certified as DDS Green Light for deployment)
  
• Scheduled DDS teeth cleaning for DH
  
• Found a Unit T-Shirt that I will order for DH on payday, and some decals for the matching pickup trucks (oh, my, are we all hooah, now!)
  

Ok, at least it looks like we're making progress, so I will try not to stress out too much. I did promise to make a lasagna for DH the week he leaves. He decided against it for this weekend as he is still trying to lose a few more pounds before weigh-in.

Sleep? Oh, yeah, forgot about that. It's 3:14 a.m. Guess I should go to sleep now. Have to keep remembering to put that one on the list!

Lovely Spring Day

Today's Quote:

Awake, thou wintry earth -
Fling off thy sadness!
Fair vernal flowers, laugh forth
Your ancient gladness!
~Thomas Blackburn, "An Easter Hymn"

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Lesson Learned: Sometimes one must just do nothing and enjoy the company of family.

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It was nice to just hang out with the family today. We got some things done towards DH's getting ready to go, but mostly we just took it easy and enjoyed each other's company.

Spent the morning puttering in the garden, watering trees, and enjoying the splendid warm spring day.The deep pink buds on the nectarine tree that we planted a few years ago are swelling - in the next day or so, the tree should burst into bloom. The little pear tree that we thought died, has survived the winter and is on the brink of unfurling bright yellow-green leaves. I could feel the weeds silently gathering their forces so that they could attack in droves in the next day or two. They will eventually win, but for the moment, I still have the upper hand.

While I watered and puttered around with the plants, DH pressure washed some of his vehicles (I think we have 15 or so all together, now) and prepped them for a long stint of sitting around and doing nothing. While he was at it, he washed and changed the oil in The Green Thing (it isn't glamorous, but it's reliable and my 4WD thing - can't wait for the weather to get better so I can start driving my pickup truck again - she's bright red and more my style!). I actually cleaned the interior of The Green Thing, and it's now rather presentable, even. I'm sure I won't recognize it at Walmart the next time I go shopping!

A few weeks ago, we went to the DMV and got matching ARNG license plates. So romantic - his and hers matching pickup trucks and matching license plates (since we did both pickup trucks at the same time, our plate numbers are sequential). (To see if your state has National Guard Plates, click here. Many do.)

We went to the local base this afternoon. Visited the commissary - not like base shopping in the Big Cities, that's for sure! DH is sure that I have more things crammed into our home than they had for sale at the PX. Still, it was a good outing - and it was something to do with the family, and the drive out was pleasant. (The drive back was pleasant, too - I got a good nap!)

Also went grocery shopping while we were in town. And ate lunch at Jack-In-The-Box. DH guilted me into eating a salad. I can't believe how much weight he has lost. His jeans literally would fall off of him if he didn't cinch them up. Mmmmm, that is one good thing about the Army! He "makes tape" for his height and age, and that is technically all he needs to do. But, of course, DH has never been about "making minimums." So now he is very, very close to "making weight," too. And from what I can figure, that means he gets brownie points for promotion since that's an indicator of being warior ready. As for me, I just like seeing that trimmed up body...and it looks like there's the start of a 6 pack in there, too. I think at 40 something, he's now in some of the best health he's been in over the last 15 years or so. Of course, that means I am also being forced to eat things like spinach and broccoli!

Pleasant surprise with the IRS - since The Boy didn't turn 18 until late in the year, we get to keep him on as a deduction for the 2008 tax year! Whoopeee! We needed that! DH is taking a 40% cut in pay to activate with the ARNG, although it will be only about 30% after he is deployed, so we won't have to worry about taxes for 2009 - we should easily drop down a tax bracket.I think his "out of country" pay is also non-taxable. ...oh, this thinking of taxes is making my head hurt! I'm barely done with this year's taxes - certainly don't want to think about filing for next year!

Got DH a PSP (PlayStation Portable) the other day. Went through the 20,000 photos on my PC and downloaded a bunch onto it for him. First I re-sized them so it wouldn't take up so much space on his memory card. The PSP doesn't display the large ones any better than the small ones. It was nice to go through some of those memories together as he chose what pictures to take. Some of our kids, the dogs and, of course, his babies: his vehicles - His "circle track" cars, his 1970s vintage pickup truck at the drag strip, cars without engines, cars with fancy, souped up engines, etc., etc. Funny what a man thinks is important.

Speaking of dogs and babies, I think it's amusing how strong the urge to "have babies before deploying" is. (I think it is probably only amusing to me because I can't have any more babies!) But DH is on the hunt for a puppy to give to me before he leaves. Maybe another Doberman. Or another Pit Bull. Yes, DH, what I need is a puppy to pee on my carpets while you are gone! Men! Gotta love 'em!

Still No Uniforms and Still FNG

Today's Quote:

It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, “Always do what you are afraid to do.”- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Lesson Learned: Do not expect too much.

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Do you believe that in a short while, my DH will be leaving the state and the country with the ARNG, and he still doesn't have a complete uniform? Well, at least it is "on order." I guess that is something - but - Arrrrrghhhh! I keep thinking that I have some control over any of this!!!

He says that it happens to everyone at some point in their military career: you are the FNG. (F** New Guy) Most often, you are just the NG, but at some point you are the FNG. Hopefully you are not the guy who is always the FNG when you change units. "Grin and bear it," my DH tells me, because until the stars realign and you are no longer the FNG, there isn't much else to do about it. I have never grinned and bared anything. I have to put my head down and growl about everything. He thinks it's funny watching me be all pissed off about these things. He just shrugs and reminds me that it's the Army.

So, of course, when I am feeling out of control, I have to write a list

• Follow up with the chaplain about renewing our wedding vows
  
• Follow up on orders so that I can renew my dependent ID
  
• DONE - Check defas for pay info
  
• DONE - Keep up with blogging
  
• Find camera and take lots of pictures of home and DH and all
  
• Don't forget to do the "other" things not on the "official" list - like listening to snoring in the middle of the night and feeling blessed
  
• Sleep (yeah, right)
  
• Be nice to people, including my DH and my kids and myself
  
• Follow up on more paperwork
  
• Read the blogs of those who've done this already
  
• Don't chicken out - go to lunch with the ARNG wife who reached out to me last week
  
• Take my vitamins: Courage, Strength, and Perseverance
  

Maybe it was good that I was never the smartest one in the family - as a result, I grew a thick skull and learned to never accept the words "no" or "can't".

Good Day/Bad Day

Today's Quote: "A leader, once convinced a particular course of action is the right one, must have the determination to stick with it and be undaunted when the going gets tough."- Ronald Reagan

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Lesson Learned: Sometimes you just have a cruddy day.

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It's probably just an accumulation of stress. Too much to do, too little time, not enough sleep. Or maybe the Pre-Deployment Gremlins are out and about.

The garage door is stuck. DH can't figure it out and I'm away on business. So I guess it will be stuck shut until I can get home and call the people who installed it.

DH got a speeding ticket and couldn't find the proof of insurance. It's a fixit ticket for the POI, but still, I'm pretty sure it was in the truck. I think he was just stressing out and couldn't find it. Of course, he was driving my truck. I'm sure if he was driving his, he would know exactly where the POI was.

I'm out of town on business - my company would have flown me home for the weekend, but it seemed kind of silly at the time. More time spent in airports than at home - but maybe it would have been worth it. Or maybe I am lucky to not have to be dealing with it right now?

Well, at least yesterday I had a good day. I'll take what I can get! Spent the day with a dear friend and didn't think about or talk about work or The Army once. She cooked and fed me and I updated her computers. I've been working so hard taking care of other people and other things - it was a real treat to have someone take care of me. I'm definitely on the "taking" end of my friendships right now. Hopefully I'll be able to be back on the "giving" side, soon.

"Met" the wife of a Guardsman who was also USMC in his younger day. We're going to lunch when I get back from travel. Maybe we will have something in common (besides hard-headed husbands!) and will become friends. My friends are "tried and true" and I've had most of them for decades - but none of them have ever been the wife of a Military Man or a Deployed Soldier. So it must be time to expand my horizons again. For the first time in a long time, I'm reaching out to other people. Maybe I'll even learn to ask for help when I need it!

Reality Is Settling In

Today's Quote: "Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice: It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."
- William Jennings Bryan

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Lesson Learned: Time waits for no one.

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I keep thinking I have accepted all of this... and then reality will shift and settle again, and I realize that I had not really accepted anything until that moment when things settled again. So I'm hoping that by D Day, that I will have shifted and settled and shifted and settled enough that I really am settled with reality.

Of course, even while in major denial, there are many small clues that my DH has joined the military and will be heading out of the country. The Anthrax vaccination, for example. Or the fact that there is now a "last day at work" date for his civilian employer. And he's begun moving items back home from the job site. His coffee pot is still there, but other creature comforts have slowly been trickling homeward. And suddenly he has started completing the 101 things that have been hanging around the "Honey Do" list for the last 3 or 4 years. That's the one that gets me - he did that same "taking care of loose ends" when he was getting ready to go to a war zone last time. I remember it intellectually, but the part that is surprising is how much my body "feels" the trauma. I see him putting in a fresh light bulb in the closet that hasn't had a working bulb in it for at least 6 months and my stomache knots up. He talks to me of POA's (Power of Attorny) and where the combination to the safe is - things I already know - but he wants to make sure - and I can feel my neck and shoulders tighten. In some ways, my body remembers better than my head.

So I sit in denial. And eat chocolate. And keep moving.

Short Good-Bye

Today's Quote: "Enjoy yourself, drink, call the life you live today your own - but only that; the rest belongs to chance."
- Euripides

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Lesson Learned: One is always on the edge of Good-Bye.

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I hate Sundays. Or Sunday evenings, anyway. You think after years of living partly apart, I'd be used to it by now. His job is 100s of miles away, and he will stay on the jobsite for days or weeks at a time. And this is his civilian job. You think I'd be used to it by now. You think that it would even help with the up coming deployment. And, maybe, in reality, it will help that we've lived this together-and-appart lifestyle for some time now. Yet, it still sucks. We run through the checklist: wallet, glasses, keys, clothes, food, boots, laptop, etc. Some things never ever even get unpacked from his truck. Some things stay at the trailer at the jobsite. Sometimes I wonder if his trailer feels more like home than this weekend place he hangs out at with me and his son.

The days move by in slow motion - check, check, check. We are drawing closer to his leaving on training and closer to his leaving for the other side of the world. It's the old "Hurry Up And Wait" that Military Personnel and Their Families have been enduring for eons. Did the Spartans and their wives have to deal with it? I am guessing, "Yes."

From general traveling experience, I know that one day soon, it will suddenly seem like there is no time for anything, and everything has to be done now. Trying to get as much done ahead of time as possible, but still, my feet are dragging. As if, if I didn't do those things that I can do, then the upcoming deployment would just go away. A duck with her head in the sand. Ok, now that won't do! Ducky is getting her head out of the sand, now!

• DONE - got the light bulb in the closet replaced
  
  
• Get brakes checked on the green car
  
  
• DONE - get our National Guard license plates from the DMV (Many states have them; check out your own state's DMV website)
  
  
• Started - Update events on calendar - like when to change the oil, people's birthdays, etc.
  
  
• Scan pictures to upload to his PSP to take with him
  
  
• Take pictures of HIM for me to hold on to when he's deployed
  
  
• Check with SGT to see if he has received all the paperwork that I scanned for him the other day
  
  
• DONE - Update the Master List
  

There's more. There's always more. And this doesn't include anything towards my job or generally running a household! Well, at least I won't have too much time to feel sorry for myself in the short term! I keep reading advise from other Military Wives to "keep busy." I am beginning to see why!

They Also Serve

Today's Quote: "“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
- Lao Tzu

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Lesson Learned: This has got to be easier at 40-something with grown children than at 20-something with a house full of youngsters!

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For some reason, the YouTube version doesn't always seem to work. If you cannot view the video above, you can try Music Videos from AOL (http://music.aol.com/video/they-also-serve/john-conlee/1416286.)

They Also Serve
By John Conlee
She kisses little Katie’s forehead as she turns out the light.
The night ahead in a lonely bed, she’s a Military Wife.
She pushes back a tear, then sinks into a chair.
Her mind says that’s the way it is, her heart says it ain’t fair.
She knows the price of sacrifice,
but she’s proud to take her place
in that unsung corps of warriors that stay behind and wait.

They also serve, those who stand and wait.
Praying by the phone to learn their loved ones fate.
But they’re still in the war, let there be no mistake.
They also serve, those who stand and wait.

Jake climbs on a school bus, marches bravely to his seat,
His dad’s not home to say so long
like his friends along the street.
He has to be the man at home, as long as daddy’s gone,
He promised him the day he left,
that he’d be brave and strong.
So he tells his little sister,
don’t you worry Daddy’s coming home.
He’s 8 years old, he’s a Soldier’s son,
and he can hold his own!

They also serve those who stand and wait.
Praying by the phone to learn their loved ones fate.
But they’re still in the war, let there be no mistake.
They also serve those who stand and wait.

Mothers and fathers
Daughters and sons
They don’t wear a uniform or carry a gun
But they’re still in the war

They also serve those who stand and wait.
Praying by the phone to learn their loved ones fate.
But they’re still in the war, let there be no mistake.
They also serve those who stand and wait.

Taking a break

Today's Quote: "People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.”
- Zig Ziglar

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Lesson Learned: Sometimes it's good to hide.

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For two whole evenings this past week, I pretended the ARNG did not exist. I went about my evening duties and pleasantries in total denial. It was great! I read part a (non-military related) inspirational book and also my Flight Training Magazine. I played with the dog and hung out with the chickens. I even harassed our son somewhat (trying to get him to study for his driver's license! What teenage boy doesn't want his driver's license?!). It was great. Just the stress release I needed. At work, I deal with the Army for professional reasons, when my DH is around (with his buzz cut and "gung ho" attitude), it's hard to forget that he's Military now. But for a few evenings, I did a good job of ignoring it all. Now, I am refreshed and back in the game.

Some more military wife blogs:
There are hundreds of thousands of people serving in the military, so it would be reasonable that there are more than a few blogs by wives and other family members floating around the www. From time to time I will post some of those that I run across that I either enjoyed or found useful or interesting.

• A Chaplain's Wife (http://militarychaplainswife.blogspot.com/)
  
  
• Fifteen Months A blog written during her husband's deployment (http://fifteenmonths.blogspot.com/)
  
  
• Some Soldier's Mom A Navy Family (http://somesoldiersmom.blogspot.com/
  

Stressed!

Today's Quote: "Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness”
- Richard Carlson

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Lesson Learned: Taking care of myself will help me be able to cope with the ARNG, and Life in general.

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Some Things That (Mostly) Seem to be Working for Me

• Make a big, huge, all encompassing LIST. I know they say, "Live by the List, Die by the List," but a list to me is like comfort food. It lets me pretend I have a handle on things. Some people are scared of lists - especially ones that are several pages long and span a considerable space of time. Me, I clutch that list, expand the list, cross things off the list - it's my lifeline to sanity. I know that The Things On The List will not be the things that blind-side me. So, the more variables that I can control, the safer and more in control I feel. (OK, yes, I know I'm not in control, but remember, the list is the Rose Colored Glasses that I use to protect me from reality)
  
  
• A bath, a book and a coca-cola. Ties in with my idea of balance - bath to calm me, coca-cola to energize me. The book to help me escape from everything and everyone for a few moments in time. Of course, if the book is about Military Wives or something named The Baghdad Express, it probably won't be helping with the whole escapism theme. I am allergic to nearly anything "perfumy," so most bubble bath products are ta-bu - but I have recently found a way to enhance my bathing experience - peppermint green tea bags. I originally encountered the tea in a mixed set of herbal teas that I brought on a trip with me. I didn't like it for drinking, but the aroma was wonderful. Dropped a bag under the hot running water and it filled the bathroom with a fresh mint flavor and turned the water a pale jade color. The slightly astringent water seems to go well with my slightly oily skin. Maybe I'll get adventuresome and try some other teas.
  
  
• Surround myself with some of my Favorite Things. I think Julie Andrews sings this in the Sound of Music? So I drink my coca-cola from a tall stein bought for me by a dear friend in a little historic tourist town in the Wild, Wild, West. As I'm sipping, I feel the heft of the glass, see the sparkle of the soda and am reminded of the strength of her friendship and the brightness of her smile. I do the same, looking at dishes that have the same pattern as dishes that my Grandma had. I think she had "real" ones, and mine are "dishwasher and microwave safe," but no matter - they remind me of my Grandma, just the same. I'm gonna get a new quilt for the bed, but I need to do it fairly soon - I don't want it to be all new before my DH goes off to training and deployment - I want it to be "ours" so it can become one of my favorite things.
  
  
• Sleep. I am of the mind that Sleep is highly overrated. On the other hand, I know I (and all the poor folks around me) suffer when I don't get enough. Exactly how to fall asleep when your DH is hundreds or thousands of miles away, I still haven't figured out. I better, though, or it will be a very long, very sleepless deployment!
  
  
• Surround myself with the wisdom of the ages: Positive quotes at: ThinkExist (http://www.thinkexist.com/)
  
  
• For further research: About's section on Stress (http://stress.about.com/)
  

More Resources

Today's Quote: "No matter what looms ahead, if you can eat today, enjoy today, mix good cheer with friends today, enjoy it and bless God for it."
- Henry Ward Beecher

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Lesson Learned: It's out there if you look for it.

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There is a wealth of info out there if you have access to the internet. Of course, that doesn't take the place of connecting with real human beings, but it helps!

More Internet Resources

• My Army Life, Too! (http://www.MyArmyLifeToo.com/) The "Hearts Appart" PDF booklet on this site is well worth reading.
  
• Virtual Army FRG (Family Readiness Group) (http://www.armyfrg.org) Kind of bummer that my DH's Unit isn't virtual, but maybe we'll get them online in the near future.
  
• Operation Military Kids (http://www.operationmilitarykids.org) A site for our children and teenagers. There is a section for children, tweens and teens. These sections are for the kids, themselves, although us parents could benefit from them, too.
  

Ok, I have to learn to let the Army just Be, some times. I know I want to keep controling what is beyond my control (ocupational hazzard of being a control freak). I have a plan, a time line, and a list of things to do. It's more time than I thought I had, but less time than I want. Well, I guess the ARNG didn't really consult me, so I will just go with the flow... as much as I can, anyway. For those of you who know me in the non-virtual world - watch out - it's going to be like one giant PMS time zone around here for a while! ... stress management, ah, maybe I should try some of that!

Memories

Today's Quote: "What you can't get out of, get into wholeheartedly."
- Mignon McLaughlin

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Lesson Learned: Do not get in the way of a Man with a Mission

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I got home from 8 days of business travel in a different time zone yesterday - so sweet to see DH when I walked in the door. For one reason or another, both of us have not really been home in 3 weeks, and this is the first time we've been alone together in more than 21 days. Practice for deployment? Not! We had cell phones and email and webbing into each others computers. And I knew exactly when I would see him next. And there were no mortars or sounds of firearms in the background. Still, it was good to be woken in the middle of the night to his loud snoring. I rolled him over and said, "You're snoring." His sleepy voice replied, "I don't snore." Then he fell back asleep and back into snoring. Prior to 2004, it would have kept me awake and been annoying. Now, it is like music lulling me to sleep.

This morning we were up before the sun filling out and printing out the last bits of paperwork for his unit. DD form This and DD form That. I am getting quite good at this. And, since neither one of us likes to write, I have been getting good at finding the online version that can simply be filled out online and printed for signatures. Much better than hand writing. I have been a computer geek for so long, I don't know if I know how to use a pen.

Reminder: I was gently chided this morning - the government only uses Black Ink when writing in pen. I knew this at one time. I'm relearning.

After he left the house this morning, I dug deep in my closet for a box that is not often opened. I've been carrying it around since the Spring of 2004 when my DH went on a 4 month trip to the Sand Box as a mechanic with a DOD contractor. It is hidden under a stack of clothes, size 8, that I will some day fit back into. In this box is an empty Godiva Chocolate box containing letters and printouts of emails. There is also a small collection of blank postcards and stationary, patiently waiting to be written on and sent to an APO address. People will understand why I kept the letters and emails, but only someone who knows my DH would know why I would keep the blank stuff... because there was a point when he was Over There as a contractor, that I came to understand that his trip was just a recon mission, a fact finding mission - before enlisting with the military and deploying "for real." So now, it looks like, we are really in the game. The time for intelligence gathering and processing has past. It's now time for action.

Some Prep Work for me - mostly already under way

• Start collecting postcards from my travels (I travel a fair amount with my job)
  
• Self-Address envelopes and put "free mail" where the stamps go
  
• Gather more encouraging quotes from both ancient wisdom and more modern folk
  
• Make a list of things that can be sent in care packages
  
• Learn as much as I can about the ARNG and his unit
  
• Make him a "Little Black Book" with everyone's address/ph # so he can more easily send/call people
  
• Make him a business card of mine with additional stuff typed on it and laminate it
  
• Make him a photo for his kevlar and laminate it
  

There's more, but for now, this is all I want to think about. Going to take a break from the Army and hide out in a bubble bath with a good book.

Show Your True Colors

Today's Quote:

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.

- Elizabeth Kubler Ross

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Lesson Learned: I am, indeed, a blessed woman.

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Like most people, I periodically go through bouts of feeling sorry for myself. Usually it happens when I am stressed, overtired, and worn out from taking care "of someone else." I am not often filled with "grace under fire." I haven't figured out how to aquire that "grace" - I don't even know how to fake it. But I am working on it, and perhaps the ARNG will be the one to teach me. There appears to be a reason for everything, even if I don't always see or agree with it.

Our Ladies and Gentlemen are rearing to get going, so there is much paperwork and rattling and accounting of battle rattle(1) and such. My particular ARNG soldier has had his hair buzzed, his face shaved smooth, and is getting some nice definition around the abs. Can only mean one thing - drill time approaches and pretty soon I'll get to see him in uniform. Yes, OK, I admit it - I'm a sucker for a man in uniform!

Here is a
list of tips from a wise woman on how to survive deployment:http://fifteenmonths.blogspot.com/2008/02/my-top-8-tips-for-surviving-deployment.html. Lots of other good stuff on her blog, too.

I've been on the road all week with work, upgrading the computers and such for some of our offices down in The South. Blessings 25-125 : gracious and kind people, food drenched in cream and butter and topped off with sweet tea, and great coworkers, to boot. My oh my, am I blessed... and I'm sure my blessed jeans won't fit quite right for weeks after this eating escapade and extravaganza - OMG cheddar grits and shrimp to sell one's soul for! Shhhh, don't tell anyone, but once my DH and his unit are over in the Sand Box for a while and have been complaining about the food, I'm going to send them some Sticky Fingers BBQ Sauce. I can't afford to send him/them the full ribs and such, but if I provide the sauce, perhaps they will be able to come up with something to BBQ.

OK, I better stop talking about the delightful Food In The South or this blog will stop being about the ARNG, my husband, or my life as an ARNG Wife - it will just be about food, Food, FOOD! Which will, of course, make me crave biscuits and grits and BBQ and, oh, well, you get the picture!

(1)Battle Rattle = all the equipment that a soldier needs.

Army Wife

Today's Quote: Energy and persistence conquer all things.
- Benjamin Franklin

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Lesson Learned: Yes, you can.

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Soldier's Creed
I am an American Soldier.
I am a Warrior and a member of a team.
I serve the people of the United States and live the Army Values.

I will always place the mission first.
I will never accept defeat.
I will never quit.
I will never leave a fallen comrade.

I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills.
I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.
I am an expert and I am a professional.
I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the
United States of America in close combat.

I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.

I am an American Soldier.

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A Soldier's Spouse's Creed
(This is for my own amusement, not anything official.)
I am an American Soldier’s Spouse.
I am a Family Member and a member of a team.

I will support my spouse and through him or her, the people of the United States.

I, too live the Army Values.

I will always place the mission first : I will be competent and cheerful in the face of deployments and mountains of paperwork and the day to day emergencies of life so that my Spouse can concentrate on the mission.

I will never give up hope : Though there be wars and strife, I will never give up hope, either for my Soldier or for Myself.

I will never quit.

I will never break my marital vows.

I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my tasks and drills : though my tasks do not include battlefield skills, I will take care of the business of maintaining hearth, heart and home with the same discipline, focus and proficiency as any soldier.

I always maintain my family, my home and myself.

I am an expert and I am a professional : even though I may only be learning about the Army and the Army Ways, I will conduct myself in a professional fashion and endeavor to become an expert.

I stand ready to support my Spouse as he or she deploys, engages, and destroys the enemies of the United States of America.

I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life. I will be thankful and enjoy the blessings and freedoms given to me by the service of our Military and their Families and be an excellent example of an American Citizen.

I am an American Soldier’s Spouse.
And proud of it.

Help Is Online

Today's Quote: "“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”- Friedrich Nietzsche

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Lesson Learned: Seek and you will find.

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I'm not so sure this is an adventure, yet. It feels more like a research paper! But, I guess that is what I do when I am faced with just about anything challenging in life - read books about it, talk about it, do online research, mull it around in my head, immerse myself in the issue, the project, until I know all I can know about it and it is part of me. So now I will become an expert on the Army National Guard and on being an Army Guardsman's wife.

Some first stops on the web

• Find your state's National Guard site at http://www.ngb.army.mil/resources/states.aspx
  
  
  
  • Some states list just the main site
    
  • Some states also list their units
    
  
  
• Military One Source https://www.militaryonesource.com
  
  
  
  • For 7 day a week, 24 hour a day assistance, call them at 1-800-342-9647
    
  • Read and listen to articles
    
  • Subscribe to newsletters
    
  
  
• Especially for Guard Family Members and others who support our National Guard: http://www.guardfamily.org/
  
  
  
  • Use the drop down box to find your state
    
  • Sign up for a free account
    
  • For some areas, you will need someone from your command to "approve" you.
    
  
  

So who's in control, anyway?

Today's Quote: "Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. Christopher Robin to Pooh."
- A. A. Milne

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Lesson Learned: I'm considering the possibility that I am not in control.

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If I'm not in control, who is? The Army? As much as I respect those that wear the uniform, I guess I've been a civilian wife too long to trust in the Army that much. Some say that God is in control and I should just turn it all over to Him. It's been a long, long time since I've been a believer. I'm not sure I'm going down that path again just yet. So I'll just sit here on the edge of chaos and see what happens. And I will assume that, like my eldest daughter, I will do things the hardest way possible. Maybe that's my destiny.

But all is not Gloom and Doom on the homefront. The radio station said there's gonna be a party and I think I am going to go and I am going to make my DH go, too. I emailed the organizer. Maybe she will become my first Army Friend. She's gotten units in our state (and their families) "adopted" during their deployments in the past. Perhaps I can assist her with that. Doing and giving seem to be good therapy for me - just have to be careful that Type A peronality me doesn't go too far overboard (I am assuming I will at least go a little overboard as that is just in my nature).

Well, at least I don't have to go this alone. There are friends and family - those who saw me through the last crazy idea my DH had - and friends yet unmet. A year from now, I'll probably look back at this and laugh at how wimpy I was!

See what happens when you're a sucker for a man in uniform!

OpSec

Today's Quote:

There is in every true woman’s heart a spark of heavenly fire,
which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity; but which kindles up, and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.
   ~Washington Irving, The Sketch Book, 1820

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Lesson Learned: OpSec

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Ok, so I'm a blogger. And I certainly don't want to get the DH in trouble. So, as such, I figured I should learn about OpSec before I get too far into this thing. Yes, I want, demand and enjoy my All American Freedom of Speech. Yes, I want to speak up, speak out, and, in some cases, just let it all hang out. On the other hand, even more important than not getting my DH in hot water, I want to make sure he and his fellows are not put in any danger because of me. Thus, my self imposed OpSec training. I'm sure the ARNG will eventually train me on this, but in the mean time, I have found that mostly it's all common sense... or, hopefully common sense

The "Don't Post" list

• when your soldier is leaving or coming home, either for deployment, training or drill
  
• any identifying things about your unit (which is a bummer, because we are all Proud of our units, but we'd rather be Safe than Proud)
  
• so your soldier isn't supposed to tell You (the spouse) anything that isn't already OpSec cleared - but you know it could inadvertently happen - so be careful of posting anything that your soldier might tell you
  
• this seems obvious - don't post about any one's death until the CAO (Casualty Assistance Officer) has contacted the NOK (Next of Kin)
  
• anything that might clue in the enemy on the strengths or weaknesses of a force or piece of equipment
  

I'm thinking I'll probably be OK, here. I am imagining that my blog will mostly be about the day to day struggles of a new ARNG wife trying to get her act together. Hopefully the enemy will find this blog too boring to read and that other military wives might get a little laugh as they read about my little adventures.

Some ideas to consider when creating your blog

• create a separate email just for your blog - strangers may be writing to you, and you don't need them to know your personal email
  
• don't list your real home town, state, etc.
  
• invite your Mom and your other military friends to read it
  
• don't use names - maybe first initials
  
• don't use rank attached to names
  
• blog from a different account or service provider than your other blogs
  

Am I being paranoid, here? I've read quite a few blogs where the names and locations of people are not too difficult to figure out over the course of time. Interested in your opinion.

Voices From The Front

Today's Quote:

"Neither fire nor wind,

birth nor death can erase

our good deeds.

- Buddha

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Lesson Learned: Be Thankful.

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I have been feeling sorry for myself, lately. I am stuck doing all the paperwork and tracking people down for my husband, and he keeps talking about how he's volunteering to deploy - and how he's looking forward to it, if they'll take him. And I keep thinking, "Poor me, you're going to leave me here in Hometown, USA to take care of everything - all by myself." Well, after reading Frank Schaeffer's book, Voices from the Front: Letters home from America's military family, I am no longer feeling sorry for myself, or alone. I am feeling Thankful and Blessed, and hope to make those who have sacrificed so much more, proud. And I will reach out to my new Army National Guard Family, no matter how neurotic they sometimes appear (and sometimes are!).

Chapter 14 of the book begins with,

I have three sons who are presently serving in the armed forces... plus my husband...... This is [the] 2nd deployment to Afghanistan for my son...

All in all, in 2004 or so, this tough and loving woman has, at many times, all of her sons and her husband deployed, at the same time,to the Middle East. Ok, so I'm just letting the Army borrow my husband for a while. At least I don't have my babies joining him (although some would like to, if they could, and I'd be proud). From the purely "Mommy" perspective, however, I want them to all just stay in the good ol' USA and give us grandchildren. Totally selfish, I know. But I am thankful that at least I'm only giving up my husband for a while, and not my kids, too.

Another thing to be thankful for is that we have had over 20 years together. I cannot imagine what it must be like to be doing this as a newlywed. We are settled. We know and trust each other. We have already discovered our human follies and have either learned to accept them or ignore them. Our children are grown and they can understand and be proud of "why Daddy isn't home." When there were diapers and 2 a.m. feedings and sick babies spitting up, he was there. When they took their first steps, he was there. When there were soccer games and marching bands and graduations to attend, he was there (well, he may miss our youngest one's graduation.) We have been incredibly blessed. It's time for a little pay back. A little sacrifice. I do believe in "The Mission," but sometimes I just want to be a little selfish.

Bless our soldiers, and bless their families, too, for they also serve.

We're in the Army Now

Today's Quote: "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit."
- Aristotle

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Lesson Learned: Everything is easier if you are ultra-organized.

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This journey began when DH completed his Active Duty commitment to the USMC. Little did I realize that My Marine should have been a "lifer." Instead, we married (Yes, yes, with him in his Dress Blues!), he completed his obligation to the USMC, raised a family, had the same address for a decade or so, celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary... and then he announced he was joining the National Guard and was going to volunteer for deployment to the Middle East. (OK, yes, this is an overly simplistic chain of events. And I left out all of my yelling and tears and oft repeted, "You're doing what?!")

So now he's running around and getting dental exams and imunizations and I am filling out paperwork by the ream and we are all "Hurry Up And Wait." And, while we are now committed (I don't think Uncle Sam is letting us out of the contract now!), we keep looking at eachother and saying, "What have we done!"

So The Adventure Begins...